For anyone dealing with dissertation stress. This time last year, I had genuinely come to the end of myself. But that’s when God steps in and goes all out.
Less than a week before submission, I went to see my supervisor for a final meeting. I was expecting an “ok so to bind it…” instead, he said that I had made a huge mistake that basically renders my whole project void. He told me if I had submitted what I showed him that day, I would have finished with a third class. Even typing this still makes my heart race. The tears. That was a Friday, and my project was due the following Thursday. Labs were shut all weekend so I couldn’t do anything to begin to correct till Monday. I thank God for my mum, my queen, interceding in prayer on my behalf because honestly at that point, my faith was so low. I could not see how.
I spent the weekend in worry, lots of crying. On Sunday, I really didn’t feel like going to church. Keyword *feel*. But I went. The Holy Spirit willed me because He knew I needed to be there that evening. A girl sat next to me and she started talking to me! Now for those who don’t know, this doesn’t happen lol. Brits can be very reserved but she was chatty, telling me about how her parents are missionaries and she’s writing a book. I just listened, because I couldn’t start explaining my own.
Let me interject here & explain something really quick. My dissertation topic was on masonry walls under tsunami wave forces. I was meant to compare the wall’s behaviour before retrofitting against the tsunami and after. The wall was meant to fail during the tsunami and not fail after I had placed a retrofitting technique. The issue was that my wall wasn’t failing during the tsunami…
Back to the thick of worship. I was on my knees in tears & the pastor called up those who need prayer so of course, yours truly was the first up there. Going up for prayer isn’t a sign of ‘ah everyone can see that I’m struggling now. Everyone will see my shame’. No. It’s stepping out in faith. It’s not caring because it’s between you & your Father. I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard whispers of prayer for me. “God is saying He’s seen your commitment and He’s proud of you, His daughter-His bride. He wants to let you know that the walls will fall. The walls will fall.” Hayy drama queen me was BAWLING because I couldn’t understand how this person knew! What?! I opened my eyes & it was the lovely girl who had sat next to me. She told me she wasn’t on the prayer team but God had led her to pray for me. We exchanged details & I left church shaking after my experience. I never saw her again. I couldn’t get in touch with her-I genuinely believe God sent her for that single purpose that evening.
I worked with little sleep the next few days, did all I could and genuinely left the rest at the feet of Jesus because there was nothing else I could do. The walls did fall – God gave me a 2.1.
God doesn’t require us to understand how He will do it. He wants us to know He will, that’s all. He wants us to stretch our little faith & just trust. It is extremely difficult. I tried to use human logic and that failed me, because looking at the facts it seemed impossible in that time frame to turn the situation around. I, by myself could not see any way. I was so overwhelmed that I stopped going to see my supervisor in the days before submission because I was tiredt. God doesn’t need us to try to understand using our logic. Our wisdom is foolishness in His sight (1 Corinthians 3:19). My bachelors’ degree certificate does not feel real up until this day. It’s all to His glory. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is indeed good.
The testimony is not me, because I’m not qualified. Not at all. 2 Corinthians 3:5 says “Not that we are fit (qualified and sufficient in ability) of ourselves to form personal judgments or to claim or count anything as coming from us, but our power and ability and sufficiency are from God.”
Whoever this is for, be encouraged. What is too difficult for the Almighty? Be encouraged. By His grace, through faith.